I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
