so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize