Non-Jews are for practice
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
