You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
