The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
