There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
