Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
