idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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