i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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