if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
