you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
