Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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