just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I need a burrito and a hug.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
