So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
