her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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