i always forget guys have bellybuttons
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
