By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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