I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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