On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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