This girl is more easily done than said...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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