So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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