im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize