My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
