Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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