and i looked up. we had an audience...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
