just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
