Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
