Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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