apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
