im about as happy as oj after his trial
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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