does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
