I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
