I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize