i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
