Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
