I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
