Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
