Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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