Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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