It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
