dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
