I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
