Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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