If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
