I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
