I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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