I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
