We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
