you win again, gameday.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize