Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
