Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They took my balls.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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