After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What did we do last night that was yellow?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
