"it" just moved
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
