checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
