But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
