Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
