As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
