The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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