that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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