i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
