We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
