I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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