yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
