There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
