You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize