Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
