i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
