there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
