Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just high enough for therapy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
