we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
