Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
