bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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