I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
