I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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