Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
farters have to be the big spoon...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
