I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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