When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
