if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I came so hard my ears popped.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
