Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
