Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
