I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
