her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize