if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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