no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
