I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
