haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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