hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
