in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
