So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
