A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
