Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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