my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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