I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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