I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
