Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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