Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
