don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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