I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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