she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
