Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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