It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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