If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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