oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
