Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
