batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
