Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize