mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
