you guys were way drunker than both of me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
