I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
