im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
