I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
