I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
