I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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